"Through My Eyes"

After reading Tim Tebow's book Through My Eyes for RA Boot Camp, I was incredibly inspired. I've always thought it's important to let people know how they've impacted you for good. However, since Tim is an NFL player with the Denver Broncos, and not a personal mentor or family friend, you all get to read about it instead... If you haven't already read his book, please do! I promise you won't be disappointed.

Dear Tim-

I realize the chances of you actually reading this are slim, but I still felt compelled to share with you how your story is affecting a small Christian college in WI, and all the people here who are holding you up in prayer.

After serving as an RA in college and graduating, I’m now serving my alma mater as a Resident Counselor, mentoring students and RAs who were once my classmates and coworkers, and putting parents at ease when they send their kids out on their own for the first time. On Monday we will begin our annual RA Boot Camp. Two weeks of fun and hard work, building relationships with our team, and preparing them to handle any residential crises they might face in the coming year.

At the beginning of summer, all our RAs receive a package with their training materials, policy manual, and a book to read for our fall book review. Usually it’s something like The Purpose Driven Life or The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. This year, our director surprised us by choosing Through My Eyes.

I have to admit, I was a little skeptical about her book choice. First of all, I’m a hardcore baseball fan, so while I don’t hate football, I am indifferent toward the sport. I expected your book to be all about football, and to be bored. It wasn’t, and I wasn’t. Football aside, most of the past books chosen for boot camp were written by middle-aged men, so I was also a little doubtful there would be much for my RAs and me to learn from someone in our own age group. Incorrect once again.

With the exception of two of my male RAs, who insist they don’t like you for the simple reason that you are a Bronco, and the Broncos “robbed” the Packers of a Super Bowl victory in 1997, when we were all in elementary school, our staff has been exceptionally inspired. I even know of one who is trying to emulate your workout routines.

Before I was half through your book, I was so impressed with your character that I purchased an additional copy to send to my brother in a care package when he returns to college. He is kind and intelligent, with a solid faith, but I know he sometimes struggles with bonding with his teammates, who are occasionally unsavory. Sometimes he makes wise decisions, and sometimes he makes mistakes, but having the misfortune (or blessing) of growing up in the middle of five sisters, forming relationships with his male teammates is very important to him. It will be good for him to read about another young man who knows about hard work and leadership, but also about disappointment and temptation, and is trying to do the right things. So, above all, thank you for setting an example for “kids” like my brother.

Actually, it turns out I need to purchase a different copy for my brother, as a family friend recently received a call to serve at a church on the UF campus in Gainesville, and I sent him the copy I purchased for my brother as an installation gift.

As I continued to read, I started underlining portions of your book to use in book discussions with my RAs. One of the most obvious parallels would be to relate your football teams back to our Residence Life team, but I think the more relevant point is that each one of us has a unique platform to serve God. It may not be on as grand a national stage as you, but whether our platform is in front of thousands, or a single person, God has gifted us all with unique talents and life experiences. It’s our responsibility, as children of God, to be good stewards of those gifts, to grow them, and to bloom wherever He’s planted us in life. Whether that’s leading a football team on the field, sitting on the sidelines, or cheering from the stands… Whether it’s nurturing a future campus leader, reaching out to an alienated or international student, or showing compassion to an embarrassed freshman while you hold her head over a toilet… Personal triumphs and broken hearts… We never know what God’s going to use to shine His light into someone’s life, so everything we do must be done to His glory.

I found many personal parallels in your story as well. From the tight knit family, to the mom who found every opportunity to teach me… My father was even a pastor turned medical missionary… I am, literally, eternally grateful for the people God placed in my life to make me who I am today, but also for the unique challenges I faced that helped me grow my own personal relationship with Jesus. It is not easy to be the pastor’s kid in a big church in a small town. A lot of people look at you to set the example for your peers, and that can be a lot to ask from a kid.

I’ve seen in the lives of many prominent public figures, authority figures in my own life, and even in my father’s own ministry, how taking a public stand for Christ can also be an invitation for Satan to put a target on your back. God delights when we lead one of His children to Him, but Satan delights in leading His children astray, and when you are held up in the public eye as a Christian, there’s a bit more distance for you to fall. I wholly believe that Satan specifically targets those with the strongest faiths and the greatest opportunities to build up, or cause damage to, the Kingdom of God. That is why I am committing to lift you up in my daily prayers.

I am praying that God continue to speak to your heart, and use you to bring Him glory. I’m praying for protection of your body as you take part in a contact sport, that your career would not be cut short by any drastic injury, and that He give you the stamina to optimally condition the body He gave you for football. More importantly, I’m praying for protection of your mind and spirit. Now that the lockout is over, I see what you meant in your preface about “spilled ink.” I’ve read some very negative things, some of which are rude or hurtful, some of which are downright inappropriate and unnecessary. I pray that the negative comments brush past you and you find comfort in the only Word that matters. I also pray that the positive words delight you, but do not allow you to become arrogant in the abilities and opportunities that God has given you to use in your earthly life.

I am praying that God continually build and fortify a genuine support system around you; trustworthy people close to you who can lift you up when your spirits sag, but also keep you humble, by speaking the truth in love. I pray for your family, and old friends, but also for new friends and outlets outside of the sports world. I am praying that, with this support system, you will have the defenses to withstand the temptations Satan lays in your path, and continue to be a light to those in darkness.

I’m praying for the work of your foundation and those working with you through your foundation. For people, like Adam Hubbs, who’ve already been impacted by your platform (and entered in at least one stranger’s prayer journal because of it), and for those still in need, who’ve yet to come to your attention. I pray that generous donations will allow you to continue your work, and that the Tim Tebow Foundation will remain true to its mission and never lose focus. In addition to your own foundation, I am also praying for your family’s and your father’s ministries, and their continued work in the Philippines.

Also, I pray that God begin preparing your next platform, whatever that may be, so that whenever the time comes for you to leave football (hopefully a long time from now), you are eager to take that next step, confident that you are going in the right direction.

There are at least 35 other members of our Residence Life staff who will be praying for you during the upcoming season, and beyond. I’m sure there are many others, also, who have been equally impacted by your story. We will also be paying extra close attention when the Broncos come to Green Bay in October.

I thank God for you, Tim Tebow! Keep shining!

-Kate

Odds, Ends, Updates...

I actually forgot about this blog for a little while, but it's not like anyone other than former FISH people read it anyhow, right? I'm attempting to start it back up so I can compile some of the journaling I've done into devotional lessons I can use with residents. That's one of the newer updates in my life...

Since my last entry (which was over a year ago? really?), I've started keeping a prayer journal. Now, I'm like Anne of Green Gables, in that I don't think we need to limit our prayers to set times, like before bed... And God already knows what's on our hearts, so sometimes we just need to feel the prayer. The important part is communicating with God from the heart, and bringing him our petitions as they arise. I pray several times throughout the day, whenever something strikes my mind or my heart, but to help me organize my prayers more, I've been keeping a journal of specific prayers for specific people, so as not to forget them. It's helped immensely.

If you're like me, there's so much going on all day long that, by the time you make it to bed, either you can't shut your brain off and insomnia kicks in, or you're out before you hit the pillow . If I try and save my prayers til the end of the day, I usually end up falling asleep before I'm finished. Instead, I've found there are dozens of other opportunities during the day... During a morning run, in the shower ('cause really, how much thinking does it take to wash your hair?), driving in the car, etc...

This helps me feel close to God's presence all day long, and it makes it instinctually easy to say a quick prayer whenever a worry arises, or I pass an accident on the highway, or something goes right and I need to say thanks. It has made my life immeasurably easier, and my faith inevitably stronger, something I pray for my friends, loved ones, and strangers on a regular basis.

More updates and insights "soon"...

Life's literal and figurative potholes...

One of our campus' neighboring streets is being completely refurbished this summer. This is great news, as a drastic repair is long overdue. At this point, it is more pothole than road, as the undercarriage of my car found out the hard way...

I used to take this street almost every morning, as it is the easiest way to get from the busy street I live on, to the busy street that leads to the home I baby-sit in. One morning, as I made my way down the street, I hit a pothole, and heard what sounded like something metal falling off of my car. I kept and eye out my review mirror, but didn't see anything left behind. I even checked under my car when I arrived, and couldn't see anything hanging from the bottom, so I figured I was good.

About a month later... a few weeks ago... I had to have the starter replaced, and I noticed a loud rattling sound when I got my car back. I immediately returned to the auto body shop to inquire as to the source of the rattle and was told I had a loose exhaust shield... most likely from running over something (like a pothole) but that it was nothing to worry about, and could just be hammered back up the next time I had the oil changed.

Today, I worked the Brewers' Home Opener (they beat the Cubs 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th - GOOD Friday :) and as I pulled into the employee parking lot, I heard a loud metal clang and something underneath my car scraping along the pavement. I checked under my car and saw a large, thin piece of metal half hanging onto my undercarriage, and half resting on the pavement. 'That must be the exhaust shield,' I deduced, and called the auto body shop on my way into work, before being told they couldn't fit me in to fix it until early tomorrow morning.

I ended up finishing early, and called back to see if they'd be able to squeeze me in this afternoon, and they were... so I pulled out of my parking spot, prepared to drive there with the hideous sound of scraping metal under my car. Fortunately, the piece of metal fell completely off before I got out of the parking lot, and the rattling was stopped. When I walked into the auto body shop carrying the large piece of metal, the worker immediately said, "Looks like you don't need me anymore!" Turns out it was the heat shield that fell off, and he told me I don't really need it and he would've just taken it off himself.

Things worked out pretty well, but what did I do on my way back to my apartment? Yep! I took the pothole infested street that got me into my predicament in the first place. Real smart, Kate.

I was thinking about this when I was walking back to my apartment after rounds, and noticed that one of the potholes on that street is so deep that you can see the mesh/wire/grid thing that goes under the concrete on roads! Why would I keep driving on this dangerous street, even after it caused a potentially dangerous problem with my car (what if that huge hunk of metal had fallen off on the highway?!)

Since the start of the initial rattling, I tried taking a different neighboring street, which proved to be just as hazardous because of the many parked cars and jay-walking students, and eventually settled on a much smoother, albeit longer, round-about way of getting to the girls' home in the morning. Despite my every intention to avoid that road, I often find myself driving down Pothold Path... like when I'm running late to baby-sit.

I will sometimes go down that road, knowing the potential hazards, simply because it is the quickest route to my destination. Other times, I will head down Pothole Path out of mere habit. I won't even remember that I'm trying to avoid it, or realize that I'm heading in a potentially hazardous direction, until I am already half way down the road and have hit several potholes. Can you guess where I'm going with this?

The potholes are a lot like our pet vices, the road being the sinful path to temporary satisfaction. As someone who's been playing tug of war with OCD for nearly 20 years, I know as much as anyone the comfort of the familiarity of the Broken Boulevard, and the discomfort of rerouting your commute by the Healthy Highway. Too often, when I get agitated, restless, or unsettled, when I encounter a major change in my life, I am tempted to take the easy, familiar path riddled with potholes, even though I know I will regret it later. Dealing with a broken car, or a broken heart later, is simply easier than dealing with the anxiety of the present... until it catches up with me...

I get both literally and figuratively lost more than anyone I know. I am very much a "turn left by the big oak with the twisty trunk" kind of girl. Fortunately, I was given a GPS for my 24th birthday, and it has helped me safely navigate my way to many new places throughout southeastern WI and northern IL, with much less stress than my previous excursions. Sometimes I forget it, and I get lost, but that just helps me remember and appreciate it even more the next time I'm in need of direction.

I'm fortunate enough to also have a GPS to help me navigate the potholes of life... my Bible... Just like the electronic GPS unit I use in my car, I sometimes forget it... or think I can navigate my way on my own. That just reminds me how important it is to study and familiarize myself with my life's roadmap. It might seem easier, or more fun, to get lost along the sinful path for awhile, but avoiding such eventually painful detours is the easiest way to ensure I arrive at my final destination safely!

A Light in the dark...

A few weeks ago, the RCs were given the responsibility of coming up with a devotion for our weekly meeting with the RAs. Our meetings are late at night, and I was finishing with the flu that was going around, so I missed the meeting, but we were supposed to each pick a favorite verse of ours and talk about what it means to us.

Choosing just one verse was incredibly difficult. Matthew 5:16 was my Confirmation verse, and one that I sort of use as my own personal motto. Proverbs 3:27 is another one that I reflect on when my job requires me to resolve undesirable situations, but the one I chose to share (then didn't) is Psalm 119:105: "Your Word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path." This verse has served as an important reminder for me of God's provision during many uncertain times in my life and, at a time of extreme economic uncertainty, I thought it might be helpful to share with you how this verse has comforted and reassured me.

I'm a literal thinker, so in second or third grade, when our pastor used the verse in his sermon with the literal example of a lamp at our feet, those mechanics produced an analogy that has hit home many times. Since people don't really walk around carrying lamps in the dark anymore, think of God's Word as a flashlight...

The summer after eighth grade, our Confirmation class went on a weekend retreat to Camp Luther in northern WI. Lots of other Confirmation classes were there that weekend, but our group from Beautiful Savior stayed in the Fort Village, which was slightly secluded from the rest of camp... including the flush toilets. Being adolescent girls, we weren't too keen on the idea of using an outhouse in the middle of the pitch black woods, so we would opt for the dark and treacherous hike back to the bath houses at the main camp. During these walks, a flashlight was highly essential.

As a 14 year old girl, my fear would urge me to shine the flashligh straight ahead. That would provide me a dimly lit preview of the twists and turns on the path ahead. However, it would also provide me with an easy way to sprain an ankle. While I might be able to see where the path was headed, I'd have a limited view of the path directly in front of my feet, where rocks and roots waited to trip me up. Although a bit more frightening, it was far wiser to shine the flashlight down, at the path right in front of me. I wasn't able to see as far in front of me, but I was able to see enough to safely reach the bath house.

Like the flashlight pointed down, it's not really God's style to show us everything at once. I imagine if He did, things would be too easy for us, and we might not remember to look to Him for guidance. Still, He never leaves us in total darkness. He always gives us what we need (not necessarily what we think we need) to safely put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time down the path of life.

This can be unsettling for us sinful humans... especially in today's culture of immediate gratification. We want everything all at once and yesterday! That's when we exercise our trust in an all-knowing God. He knows what's at the end of the path, He built the bath house (oh my goodness - I just compared Heaven to a bathroom!) He gives us His Word to serve as our flashlight, our map. The more we immerse ourselves in it, the more illuminated the path becomes, and the less we fear the dark times.

That doesn't mean that life won't occasionally smack us in the face with a tree branch. We're sinners. We make mistakes, take the occasional detour, but God is always there to turn us back around and point us in the right direction! Knowing this serves as a huge comfort to me in such uncertain times. I don't know when I'll find a fulltime job with health insurance. I don't know how I'll pay off my student loans. I have no clue what the future holds, but I know that God will never leave my side.

Going Home...

This past Friday I had the opportunity to get together with 18 friends and former Salem staff to commemorate the sale of our station one year ago. It was so good to see all of them again... like a family reunion. However, it was pointed out to me how bad I am at sharing thoughts and updates on a regular basis... Evidently a few people actually read this blog - who knew?!

I guess the biggest thing going on in my own life right now is that I finished my graduate degree in December. I'm tempted to say, "FINALLY," but I know it only seemed like for-ev-er because I went straight through after college and was starting to feel really burned out towards the end (I partly expected to have a nervous breakdown - like the occasional marathon runner who collapses from exhaustion and/or dehydration just a few feet short of the finish line.) Well, I made it to the finish line and, for the first time in 20 years, there is no homework in my nearly foreseeable future (I'm eventually planning to pursue a PhD, but not until I've paid off my student loans and my brain has had time to recharge :) I have to say, it is a pretty amazing feeling to be 25 and be able to add "MBA" to the end of my name on my resume.

Speaking of resume's, I'm finding the search for a fulltime job to be quite elusive. It seems I am either too inexperienced or too overqualified for everything I apply for. It's mentally exhausting to be constantly searching and getting rejected (sounds like my love life ;) I just have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan and the right job will come along in His perfect timing - not mine. Patience has never been one of my gifts, as many of you have experienced first hand ;)

Hmm, what else is up with me? I bought my first car that is 100% mine. An older model vehicle with very low mileage and lots of bells and whistles... plus it's not one of Mom's old boats that I grew up driving... very exciting! My grandpa found her (yep, it's a girl - Geraldine, after Grandpa,) made a few repairs, and sold her to me for cost. Last week I put air in her tires (all four of them) all by myself - first time ever!

Other than that, I continue to baby-sit every day and am continually amazed by how quickly children can absorb information - like sponges, or ShamWOW's! I think I might be finally catching up on all the sleep I missed toward the end of graduate school, and I'm trying to re-learn the art of socialization... Not that I haven't always been on the more outgoing end of the social spectrum, but I've been such a nerd the last several years that I'm a bit rusty, a.k.a. boring... It's so tempting to just put my PJs on as soon as I can and spend the rest of the day vegging out and watching Netflix on my computer (which is not nearly as enjoyable when you don't have homework to procrastinate on.)

I guess that brings me to the closing, and a few prayer requests... First, for my Uncle Steve, who was recently diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (a cancer of the bone marrow) and is not only feeling the effects of the cancer (something like 4 collapsed disks in his back!), but is also starting a Chemo/radiation treatment program that is planned to last a year before culminating with a bone marrow transplant (the Docs will actually be re-planting his own bone marrow that was harvested and is being genetically altered as I write! The wonders of modern science!)

Next, that God will lead me to the right job, and that I would be patient and have the sense to follow where He leads. Also, for my parents, as the company my step-dad works for is being absorbed/closed. They aren't going to leave the rest of the family in the mid-west and relocate to Boston, which leaves him to search for a new position at a very inopportune time. I think it may actually be harder on my mom, if you can believe it. She just feels completely overwhelmed by their very large, empty house, and the desire to move closer to us kids, but knows that it is not really the time to think about trying to sell.

Finally, and most importantly (though I know all prayers are equally important in God's eyes,) my very good friend, Jon (who is doing very well, health-wise, since his heart problems this past fall :) and his family are in great need of God's comfort and strength right now. On Tuesday Jon called to tell me that the family had decided to stop his sister, Angela's, Chemo treatments. At the time they were giving her a month, but she had a really rough weekend and went Home to Jesus yesterday morning - almost two years to the day from her original diagnosis. The cancer was so spread throughout her body - she was so sick and in so much pain that the thought of how healthy and happy she is in Heaven now makes me misty, but my heart is breaking for her family, who will miss her so much. I know time will pass in an instant for her before she is reunited with them all, and her family has such a solid faith - they know they'll see her again, but her three little children who will grow up without her... it's almost too much, and that is exactly why they need to feel God's loving arms around them during this time of mixed emotions - the mourning and majesty.