I am one of those people who is a visual learner, yet lacks certain spacial reasoning skills. I am absolutely terrible with directions and if you tell me to, "Turn East at the lights," I will only be more confused. I grew up in a small, rural town and am very much a, "Turn right by the oak with the twisty trunk," kind of person, but living in a "big city" for the past several years has forced me to step outside of my comfort zone and drive on streets with several lanes of traffic, where traffic is more likely to be backed up because of an accident than a slow moving tractor, and the driver passing you is more likely to be flipping you the bird than offering a friendly wave as he rolls down his window to chat. I am not sure I will ever get used to city traffic.
Still, I get lost more than anyone I know. Friends and co-workers can vouch for this, as several of them have received a call with me freaking out, crying, "I'm lost!" Then they have had to try to figure out where I am and redirect me towards my destination. I received a GPS for my birthday last year, and it has helped somewhat, but it is not perfect either, and I am starting to learn not to wait so long before I admit that I am lost and ask for help, because the more I try to find my way on my own, the more lost I get! It is not like I start out expecting to get lost, and I do not know exactly how it happens, it just sneaks up on me and I suddenly realize that nothing looks familiar. I have no clue where I am, or how I got there, I am just in a place I was not expecting to be.
This situation is hardly exclusive to driving, it actually strongly resembles my life at the moment. At 24, I am six months away from finishing graduate school, and expected to be anywhere but where I am right now... suddenly unemployed after the company I worked for since graduating college was sold. While some of my college classmates were still looking for their first "professional gigs" that would put their actual degrees to use, I had a job I loved, my own office with a window, and an intern to supervise. I thought things were only supposed to go up from there! Now I find myself back at square one, in a place I never expected to be, wondering how to find my way. This time, however, I will not be putting in a frantic call to any friends or co-workers. I need direction from a much more reliable source.
As a Christian, I know God has promised to, "Work all things to the good of those who love Him," so I know that losing my job is only a pothole on the road to somewhere much greater, but for the time being, I am still sweating it out, completely lost. God's Word is a "lamp for my feet, and a light for my path," but He only sheds light on our paths one step at a time, and he only sheds light on our next steps when He knows the time is right, not necessarily when we want Him to. But what if, like me, you are both literally and figuratively afraid of the dark?
I like to take ownership of my successes, receiving all the credit and the praise, so I know from past experiences that God uses times like these to chip away at my ego, to say to me, "You can't do it yourself Kate, you need Me!" And when I am finally broken down enough to turn to Him and say, "I am nothing without You... I can do nothing good without You!" Then the sun rises and, bright as day, He shows me something greater than I ever could have imagined on my own... In the meantime, however, I need to take comfort in knowing that only God knows my future, and His plan, His timing, is always perfect!
