The Complete Idiot's Guide to Making a Fool of Yourself...

Step 1) Open your mouth...
Step 2) Insert your foot...
Step 3) Repeat as often as possible...

Yeah, I've got that down... People are going to begin to doubt the presence of my internal monologue, and start thinking I never think before I speak. That's, surprisingly, not always the case. I do quite often think before I say something, but I still end up saying the wrong thing. Like last night...

I was working the merch table at a local concert with a former co-worker and current friend. It was towards the end, and there were not many people left in the lobby, when I saw an unfamiliar book sitting on the table. The book was facing away from me, so I was seeing the cover upside down, but I did recognize a square-ish jaw line, semi-androgynous features, and curly, voluminous, slightly reddish hair in an outdated style. After thinking it through, my conclusion was not the logical choice of picking up the book, and looking at it from a non-distorted viewpoint, but to loudly, and excitedly exclaim, "Ooooh! Is that Carrot Top?!" I honestly thought it was Carrot Top on the cover!

Of course, it wasn't Carrot Top on the cover, as Kimberly quickly pointing out by shushing me... It was a woman who had attended the show and given a copy of her book, "The Unsinkable Stone" to Chad. She wrote the book as an account of her life and faith... her struggles and triumphs... and she certainly had a few that were highly admirable.

Born with a rare and severe form of cerebral palsy, this woman had spent her entire life in a wheelchair, overcoming significant physical obsticals to create ceramic art, and even write a book... and here I was, foot in mouth, unintentionally insulting her! Thank goodness she was no longer there, because I was mortified, but Kimberly and Jon sure got a good laugh!

Kimberly and Jon are welcome to laugh, because I know that they know I was not trying to be mean-spirited, and would never intentionally insult someone so brazenly, but had simply fallen victim to my own monumental naïveté yet again. They find incidences like this funny because they are not at all uncommon. At least not for me... Spend long enough with me, and I will eventually make a complete idiot of myself without even trying.

With all of the stupid things I have said and done over the years, it's a wonder I am even able to be embarassed anymore...

Congratulations to the Scheidts!

On March 1st, I had the honor of helping two very good friends celebrate their marriage to each other! Kate and Jay met at our former place of employment, and lasted through a very trying separation while Jay was in basic training for the army. At Jay's graduation, almost a year ago, they became engaged! This Saturday they tied the knot and it was one of the most beautiful weddings and receptions I have ever been to. These two are so in love! I pray God's greatest blessings on you both as you begin a very long and happy life together! Thanks for letting me share your day!

The Favre-d Ones...

Several hours of television were eaten up today by "breaking news" here in Wisconsin... not about a terrorist threat, no phenomenal natural disaster, or any such horrific occurance... nope... in the eyes of some Wisconsinites, it could be considered even worse... Brett Favre, of the famed #4 jersey, 38 year old record-holding quarterback of the Green Bay Packers for the past 16 seasons, former Super Bowl MVP has decided to retire... finally!

To say I am a Wisconsin native and not a Packer fan is almost considered treason by the die hard "cheeseheads" that abound here, and it is not even like I am an anti-Packer fan, or a fan of any other team... I'm just not into football... I'm indifferent.

So why am I relieved that Favre has finally decided to call it quits? Because I am so incredibly sick of hearing about nothing but the questions over whether he will or will not be returning for another season all off-season, every off-season. This is football! Not nearly as important as, say, a presidential election, but now that I've mentioned it... I'm sick of all the political debates as well.

See, I am a huge Brewer fan, and last time I checked, baseball was America's national pastime! Still, many Wisconsinites lost faith in our hometown team during their twelve season losing streak and have only now begun to rejoin the bandwagon now that they are doing well and "earning" the loyalty. Wishy-washy fairweathers really irk me, but that's not the point.

I am just in awe that such an exorbitant amount of unscheduled television time was dedicated to something as minor as an athlete retiring! Yes, I know it was the Brett Favre, and even I will acknowledge that he was a greatly talented quarterback, but he was just a quarterback... just another human being who happened to do something for a living that put him in the public eye, and nothing that warrants an hour and a half of consecutive "breaking news" interruptions on every network station!

It's called idolization, and it goes against God's First Commandment!

A Typical "Kate Moment"...

Close friends and colleagues will tell you I have an unintentional, self-depricating sense of humor. I say unintentional because, despite my hair color, IQ, and book smarts, I closely fit the typical "blonde stereotype"... In short, I can be a bit of an airhead, and am constantly learning to "look before I leap." Unfortunately, these lessons usually come about after a bout of extreme ditzyness... like yesterday afternoon...

A college friend was in town yesterday, and we met for lunch at a local greasy spoon. I was having serious issues with one of my contacts, and was without my usual supply of eyedrops. When I'd finally had enough, I used my spoon to scoop some water from my glass into my palm, and took my contact out to wash it off (yes I know it is poor manners to clean your contact off at the table, but the bathroom was filthy). I was feeling pretty proud of myself for being innovative, and thinking to use the water from my glass... until I put my contact in, and felt an incredible, blinding burn... Yes, I had forgotten that I had already squeezed a slice of lemon into my water glass!

It was one of those "I can't believe I just did that!!" moments, but it provided both of us with a good laugh, mostly because this was not an atypical sort of occurance for anyone brave enough to accompany me out in public...

Where Am I?...

I am one of those people who is a visual learner, yet lacks certain spacial reasoning skills. I am absolutely terrible with directions and if you tell me to, "Turn East at the lights," I will only be more confused. I grew up in a small, rural town and am very much a, "Turn right by the oak with the twisty trunk," kind of person, but living in a "big city" for the past several years has forced me to step outside of my comfort zone and drive on streets with several lanes of traffic, where traffic is more likely to be backed up because of an accident than a slow moving tractor, and the driver passing you is more likely to be flipping you the bird than offering a friendly wave as he rolls down his window to chat. I am not sure I will ever get used to city traffic.

Still, I get lost more than anyone I know. Friends and co-workers can vouch for this, as several of them have received a call with me freaking out, crying, "I'm lost!" Then they have had to try to figure out where I am and redirect me towards my destination. I received a GPS for my birthday last year, and it has helped somewhat, but it is not perfect either, and I am starting to learn not to wait so long before I admit that I am lost and ask for help, because the more I try to find my way on my own, the more lost I get! It is not like I start out expecting to get lost, and I do not know exactly how it happens, it just sneaks up on me and I suddenly realize that nothing looks familiar. I have no clue where I am, or how I got there, I am just in a place I was not expecting to be.

This situation is hardly exclusive to driving, it actually strongly resembles my life at the moment. At 24, I am six months away from finishing graduate school, and expected to be anywhere but where I am right now... suddenly unemployed after the company I worked for since graduating college was sold. While some of my college classmates were still looking for their first "professional gigs" that would put their actual degrees to use, I had a job I loved, my own office with a window, and an intern to supervise. I thought things were only supposed to go up from there! Now I find myself back at square one, in a place I never expected to be, wondering how to find my way. This time, however, I will not be putting in a frantic call to any friends or co-workers. I need direction from a much more reliable source.

As a Christian, I know God has promised to, "Work all things to the good of those who love Him," so I know that losing my job is only a pothole on the road to somewhere much greater, but for the time being, I am still sweating it out, completely lost. God's Word is a "lamp for my feet, and a light for my path," but He only sheds light on our paths one step at a time, and he only sheds light on our next steps when He knows the time is right, not necessarily when we want Him to. But what if, like me, you are both literally and figuratively afraid of the dark?

I like to take ownership of my successes, receiving all the credit and the praise, so I know from past experiences that God uses times like these to chip away at my ego, to say to me, "You can't do it yourself Kate, you need Me!" And when I am finally broken down enough to turn to Him and say, "I am nothing without You... I can do nothing good without You!" Then the sun rises and, bright as day, He shows me something greater than I ever could have imagined on my own... In the meantime, however, I need to take comfort in knowing that only God knows my future, and His plan, His timing, is always perfect!